LGB (Long Beach Airport)

I'll tell you a secret: flying into small regional airports is often a lot easier than the big international ones. You get in and out so much faster, the security line is shorter, and the bathrooms are much cleaner. Plus, there are fewer police officers organizing sting operations. Just a thought. When I fly into the Los Angeles area, I prefer flying into Long Beach. Even though I'm from Idaho, I love the beach. Men (and women, of course) wearing hardly any clothing, often times drinking and therefore more open to the advances of older gentlemen who may not be entirely comfortable with themselves and their sexuality. I'm talking about my cousin Barry. It's a shame. He likes to have sex with men. Not me. Just Barry. Barry Craig. He once told me that in the Long Beach Airport, there's a handicapped-accessible bathroom, way in the back, near the Prop Room Restaurant and Bar, where men sometimes go to have sex with each other. Jiminy! That's disgusting! When I'm in the Long Beach Airport, instead of having sex with men, I go to the Paradise Gift Shop. They have a $1 newspaper and bottle of water special! It's important to keep yourself hydrated, especially after strenuous exercise, or an exciting new adventure with a fellow traveler. It's fun to meet people on the road.

LARRY'S BOTTOM LINE

"Don't forget the FAA airport abbreviation LGB. That's L for Larry, G for Great Airport, and B for Bathroom!"